Warning: User discretion is required for this post.  Haha, no… but as we are not, nor aim to be, a travelers guide, we have the freedom to be honest when things are great as well as when things just are not.  Some of the below information may not be valid for all, however reflects our personal opinion.  Colloquial language and explicit descriptions are used often. Enjoy :-). (Can’t you tell that we have a lawyer here?)

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As soon as we had the feeling that the comfort Luang Prabang offered was enough, we decided to move deeper into Laos, looking for some more remote little villages.

The first stop was Nong Khiaw, a beautiful small town divided by the Nam Ou River, embraced by large lime stones covered with a deep green layer of moss. Without exaggeration, the combination of all these elements gave this place an idyllic feel.  Our immediate thoughts were, “is it possible that every landscape we see seems to be even more breathtaking than the previous one?”  Our days there were enjoyed mountain biking, hiking and just plain relaxing. It was wonderful.

Muang Khua, a tiny border town necessary to pass through in order to reach Vietnam, was our next destination. A lovely 7 hour trip up the Nam Ou River on a boat -or better, a small wooden shell miraculously floating, driven by a 15-year old captain- brought us there. It didn’t take long for us to discover the three “must-do’s” or better, “can-do’s” in Muang Khua: (1) sleep, (2) cross the floating bamboo bridge of 1m wide and 100m long, used by the locals as if it was the Brooklyn Bridge, with high motorcycle traffic (quite an experience), (3) go to the bus station and leave.  No further remarks.

As mentioned above, we followed carefully our advice, and from the bus station we took a van Northeast to Vietnam.  After 7 hours and successfully crossing the border, we arrived in the city of Dien Bien Phu, historically remembered by the French with nostalgia as where they lost French-Indochine control.  Here our learning skills went even faster than in Muang Khua.  Firstly, we learned that there was nothing to be nostalgic about; secondly, and the most important, there is one thing that you should do in Dien Bien Phu: immediately take the next ground transportation available and leave. We unfortunately made the mistake to stay overnight in order to take the bus to Sapa the following morning (an 8-hour trip) in hopes of enjoying nice views, rather than taking a night bus.  And here is when the nightmare began…

We spent 1 hour walking around Dien Bien Phu with a friendly Dutch couple, who we had been traveling with since Nong Khiaw, looking for food. Incredibly no restaurants were to be found. Finally we ate at a local food stall, it was tasty, although the physical atmosphere and hygiene were lacking.  The hotel we stayed at was comfortable but quite dirty.  At 5 AM the alarm rang for us to take the 6:30AM bus to Sapa……

We have chosen to baptize the part of the trip that is about to come with a very appropriate name: “The Ride of Hell”.

Our bus was converted into a mini-van with seats for just 9 people (as per Western standards).  This indeed seemed to be good news, ahh… an exclusive mini-van… few passengers… driving us on this looong and bumpy trip… we can sleep as well as enjoy the beautiful views.  Then the doors opened, there were already 12 people packed inside, and we (us and the Dutch couple) were designated the back-row, which was delightfully stuffed with boxes and luggage on the ground, and practically on top of the “trunk” that hosted rice bags, luggage, food, and a family of live chicken.  At the beginning, we were concerned that the chicken would be smashed by the luggage placed on them, but later on, we experienced that their situation was not very different than ours.

Finally, the bus left the station, and we were a wooping 18 people including the driver and 1 child (5 tourists and the rest locals).  Only 20 meters out of the bus station, we started picking up more travelers (all locals).  Yes, apparently the bus driver had his own business going on.  After 1 hour, we had picked up 3 more people, including their bags and food, and miscellaneous items picked up along the road by the driver not belonging to any passenger.  In order to fit these people, a fantastic method was used – the stacking method.  They literally just sat on each other, including on us tourists.  A poor German girl had a local sitting on her lap who also seemed to enjoy playing with her hair and randomly touching her fingers.  We were so closely squeezed together that our Dutch friend was feeling the pressure of the farts coming from the local sitting next to her, not to mention the fresh gas that was delivered.  Martina had quite a claustrophobic panic attack, and Josep got very dizzy constantly pushing the two people sitting in front (stacked humans) that were practically lying on top of him.

After one hour, the driver decided to make a pit-stop for breakfast. This was not a quick snack, he had a full Vietnamese breakfast with several dishes while he was quietly watching tv.  Everyone else was just waiting around for him to finish, nobody else ate. During this break, we turned on survival mode, and became a bit aggressive for our comfort as if not, the next 7 hours could be deadly.  We fought to get a seat next to the door- one seat shared by the both of us, of course, why would we want more?!  We had to struggle to keep this position for the rest of the trip.

Beyond belief, things only got worse.  We picked up even more people, filling up the nonexistent space in the van and reaching the outrageous number of 24 people!!  We could have even been more if it hadn’t been for the so-called “Vietnamese Beckham’s”, a strangely painteresque fashionably dressed couple, who got extremely angry at the driver and refused to board.  Furthermore, a large part of the trip was unpaved, on a dirt road filled with immense holes and endless curves, causing the van to travel at literally 5KM per hour.  The ride could not have been bumpier.  Due to this, several locals were vomiting.  They were passing around small plastic bags filled with vomit to then simply throw them out the window.  On top of all of this, next to Josep was a peaceful local lady who decided to sleep on his shoulder, practically drooling on top of him.  At the same time, Martina’s hair seemed to attract her neighbor, who started “delicately” touching it and trying to see if her roots were dyed or not.

We could go on for hours.  At the end, we made it alive to Sapa.  As usual, the bus dropped us off about 2km out of town.  It was extremely foggy with no visibility so we relied on our phone GPS to take us to the center of the village.  Yes, we had no visibility, and did not really know where we were going. But hey! We had space…!! fresh air…!! and could not feel more relieved.  As we hadn’t eaten all day, and it was quite cold, we went straight to a nice restaurant.  While eating a tasty meal and drinking a glass of wine, we could only look back and laugh over this experience.  Despite the challenging moments we had been through, it seemed almost surreal.  There was really nothing left to do but laugh.  Sorry, there are no photos to share.  Please understand that as we said, we were on survival mode.  Hopefully the description makes up for it.

Now, we are eager to enjoy everything that this cozy high-mountain town has to offer us. We’ll keep you posted!